Creepy Sex Toys You Should Probably Avoid.

That's right, the title says it all and since I stumble across some weird shit online, I figured this would be a great idea for a post. So here it is... not in chronological order, since I just don't have the time to argue with myself what should go first and last.

Hello Kitty Vibrator

you've probably seen this a time or two on many different sites. But whenever I see it, I picture my little nieces face holding this vibrator thinking it's a pez dispenser and screaming out of joy for the candy pieces to pop out. That is surely not an image I want to foresee when I use a vibrator, so yes, this kitty toy is totally avoidable. Fuck you Sanrio, you dirty pricks!

I Rub My Duckie

 Again, this is a childhood toy that should be left to the children for play time in the bath tub, not vibrate your clit time, especially the generic rubber ducky toy. The bondage ducky might be dirty enough to use, maybe, HEY, I SAID MAYBE!

Japanese Sex Doll With Re-loadable Hymen

Yes, you read that correctly. Now you can have your way with a virgin every time you have sex, since she comes with a red lotion concoction that can be re-loaded each encounter. Every mans dream right? Maybe you can get your red wings while you're at it.

Tiger Woods Sex Doll

I wouldn't fuck the real Tiger, let alone the rubber Tiger. And 100% satisifcation is not guaranteed, as he'll more than likely cheat on you.

Male Chastity Belt

This male chastity belt is more like the anti-sex toy. Who the fuck would want that?

Obama Dildo

I don't know about you, but this is not what I had in mind for pleasuring my beaver. Might work for those of you who have a president fetish, but it's not my cup of tea!

Silicone Squirting Vagina

Did being squirted by a water gun excite you when you were younger? Well now you can live through those days again with your very own squirting pussy. But why, when you know all it's going to do is make a mess? Thank god I don't squirt.

Mario Bros Penis Sleeve

This disturbing plastic face gives you the chance to simulate oral sex with a hairy Italian or one of the Mario brothers. It’s creators describe it as having a soft nodule throat, but it looks like the serrated throat of a giant Sand worm from the planet Arrakis to me.

Concubine

Ok, tits and a vagina, I get it. It’s all a man really needs. But was the additional cock helmet really necessary?

I'm sure there will be future sex toys that are down right disturbing, so don't worry, I'll share them with you when the time comes!

Sex Toys for Beginners

Life is easier when we have that someone there to help us understand the scary occurrences. I know that finding a sex toy can be somewhat embarrassing or overwhelming to the inexperienced. Hell, when I was a little bit younger and went into a porn stores - I would turn red and start giggling uncontrollably. I didn't know what I was looking for sexually, so I just browsed and ultimately ended up scared by some of the things I saw.

So for those of you who are the same way I was years ago, here's a top 10 list of sex toys for beginners.

Slimline Vibrator - These are your basic, plastic vibrators that you can find just about anywhere and are pretty inexpensive. They get the job done vaginally or clitorally.


 

Lipstick Vibrator - As you can see, these vibrators are more on the discreet side. So, if getting caught with a sex toy is one of your main concerns, then I suggest you order something incognito such as this. The lipstick vibe is not only cute, but it can also produce a nice clitoral orgasm.





Jelly Ballsy Dildo - This is your basic, jelly type dildo that surprisingly feels like a real penis. Except it can be a bit floppy when inserting. If you need some sort of vaginal stimulation and aren't too thrilled with over the top dongs, then this is the perfect choice. It's size is that of the average male.

Pocket Rocket - is another basic vibrator for clitoral stimulation only. It's discreet and packs a powerful punch in it's small, yet satisfying size. Don't let it fool you.  

Handcuffs - can be a little intimidating, but it is most appropriate for beginners who want to experience something different. Like either being the submissive one or being dominant with role playing. Plus, the fuzzy cuffs are relatively cheap and work.

 

Bullet Vibe - is kind of similar to the pocket rocket, but with the bullet it's attached to a control mechanism via wire. So, you can allow your partner to do the speed selection for you, without it feeling like you're getting yourself off. Let's face it, alone time is not as great as partner time. 



 
Hitachi Wand - is great, because it can be used for clitoral stimulation, or even on sore muscles that need massaged on any part of your body.



 

G-Spot Vibrator - is great because it hits all the rights spots on the inside as well as outside. One of the beginner g-spot vibes is called the Dream G, which has a smooth velvety touch and gyrating ripple action to heighten your senses.

The Rabbit - is for the person who needs both vaginal and clitoral stimulation in order to feel fully satisfied. The perfect beginner rabbit is the Classix Jelly Pearl, which is the average sized penis at 5.5" and has a control mechanism at the base for easy access.




Feather Tickler - allows you to bring out your sensual side, which is great for teasing and setting the mood for you or both you and your partner. Pair it with some body dust and you have a perfect, romantic evening.



These may not be ideal or perfect for some, but they're especially wonderful for women who are just now experimenting with their own bodies, as well as others.

Waterproof VIbro Jim Vibrator Review

My very first vibrator was The  Waterproof Vibro Jim 6.5" Vibrator. It is a light pink pearly colored Vibrator, it is about 6 1/2 inches in length from tip to base and it has a penis shaped shaft. It is a soft latex free material with a waterproof inner shaft that takes 2 AA batteries, it also has a multi-speed motor.

I was only 19 years old when I went shopping for my first Vibrator, I was inexperienced the first time I was out looking for sex toys. And since I was dating a guy 14 years older than me, I didn't feel like putting out because of the lack of physical attraction. Hey it happens when you're dating a short, old, bald, fat man when you're only 20. So, I saw The Waterproof Vibro Jim and thought it would be a good choice. At the time I didn't know what I wanted or what I wanted it to do for me, so when I first used it, I realized it was very uncomfortable because it doesn't bend like your vagina does, and the different speeds weren't really that different. The first time I decided to try it in the shower it died. The motor quit working after making a nasty noise and I was scared that I was gonna get electrocuted or something.

 Now that I have alot more experience with toys, I know what my needs are and now I want them met. The Waterproof Vibro Jim is probably only a good choice if you are not wanting to spend much money or if it's your first time buying a toy. It is a pretty good deal for only $24.70 on Tabutoys, I payed $29.99 when I purchased mine a few years ago, but I would seriously consider some other toys instead of this one.

 

The History of Sex Toys

Happy Hump Day Ya'll! What better way to start off the afternoon then a post about the history of sex toys. Hope you enjoy!