Jogging and Farts - Do the Two Go Hand in Hand?

Today, I started my first day of walking/jogging - since I needed to slowly get back into the p90 that I did over a month ago. It was tough as shit and really tedious since you do 2 of the same videos every day, for 6 days straight. Let's just say I got bored after 60 days and couldn't do that shit anymore and was so busy with summer, that I gave up on losing my fat ass.

So I'm out, trying to jog and notice that my bowels are acting kind of funny. I guess that's what happens when you don't soak beans over night before adding them to a tasty soup. Fuck, I never claimed to be Betty Crocker or have "cooking smarts"! Now here I am, with each step - trying to hold in the farts, so I don't scare the mailman as I run by him. As soon as I pass him, I let loose and all I can think about is how great the wind is right now - because bean farts are fucking deadly man. They smell like something crawled in you, sat for months, died, then rolled around in hot garbage and shat out. I know this, because all weekend my boyfriend was doing the same thing - except he didn't care if I was lying by his ass at the time. So, I got a nice front row sniff of this horrendous bean aftermath. Never again, will I cook navy bean soup without soaking the beans!

Then, after I got all of that gas out, I turn the corner and this little Shih Tzu type "rodent" came running out of its house to attack me with it's loud barking ass. Can you tell I hate small dogs? They're all really fucking annoying and I will never be the type of person to carry a stupid toy poodle or Chihuahua in my purse or arms like those dumb ass d-list celebs. Get a real fucking dog, like a Rottweiler or Doberman. The owner then starts running out to see what their dog is doing since their yard is not fenced, and yells "Hey baby, you an Oregon Ducks Fan?" Just because I'm wearing all fucking green in my workout outfit, doesn't mean I watch college football! Plus, we live in Washington - so aren't we supposed to be partial to the Huskies, even though they suck? Pfft whatever, I proceeded to yell no I'm not - but I can pretend and then punt your yappie ankle biting mutt for a field goal. Only I left out the last part, cause I didn't want his gangster ass to pistol whip me.

So what have we learned here. 

• Don't go out jogging until you take a shit.
• Soak beans overnight before cooking.
• Don't punt yappie small dogs no matter how annoying.
• College football sucks. NFL is the only football I care about. So, until their college asses make it there, I don't give a shit!!
• Small dogs are not real dogs.
• Don't yell "Hey baby" - when a girl is trying to work out. It only breaks the concentration.
• Last but not least, farting in your significant others general direction is not cute nor erotic. It makes her want to sodomize you with a meat grinder.